I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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