Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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