..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
