I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The Olympian is in my bed
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
