Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
