It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
