Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
