I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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