nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
