I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
