I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i think i just lost a toe
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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