Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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