Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
