2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
