i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
