i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Pants are for mortals
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
