i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
