sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I booty called her while she was in labor.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His nipple licking is glorious
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