Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
