so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
