moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
