it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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