he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
