if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
