My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
