So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
