I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You smell like stripper and shame
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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