Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
