We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
