did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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