a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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