I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
