I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My breasts were aching with rage.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
