Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
