Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
