My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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