Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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