just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
