Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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