I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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