Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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