whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
