We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
