Non-Jews are for practice
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
