I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
