apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
