Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
