I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
