So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
