So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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