It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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