fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize