my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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