How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
one might say we're banned from that church
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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