And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize