in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
