Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house

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(443): View more from Maryland

you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up

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(949): View more from California

I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.

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(406): View more from Montana

Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.

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(727): View more from Florida

These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for

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(941): View more from Florida

She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.

(313): View more from Michigan

This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.

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