How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize