apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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