why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
