We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
