I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize