i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
