Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
