Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's always time for handjobs
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
