I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
