do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
