I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
