Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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