So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
