just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
