I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
false alarm, still single
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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