I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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