So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize