Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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